Ah, come on gravity, you used to be cool...

nuclear power

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, “Let’s talk. I”ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, “What would you like to talk about?”

Oh, I don’t know,” said the guy. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff… grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”

The guy thought about it and said, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the girl replied, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don”t know sh*t?”

Two bytes walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says “I think… I think I might have a parity error”. The other says “Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off”

A young programmer went on a luxurious cruise for his vacation. He had great fun until the inevitable happened: The ship sank. Fortunately, he survived and found himself all alone on a small island. There was nothing there expect bananas and coconuts.
Four months later, he was lying on the beach, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen arrived in a boat. He asked perplexed: “Where do you come from and how did you get here?” - She answered: “I come from the other side of this island. I stranded there when my cruise liner sank.” - “Fantastic, what a fortune that a boat was stranded too!” - “Oh, you mean this, no, I built this from the raw material found on this island. The oars are from a rubber plant, the floor is made out of palm leaves and the sides and the stern are made from eucalyptus timber.” - “But this is impossible, you had no tools at hand.” - “No problem, there are many stones on the southern shore, if I heat them up to a certain temperature in my furnace, they melt to iron. Out of this I make tools.”
The programmer was shocked. “Come, let’s row over to where I live” the woman suggested. Ten minutes later the boat docked at a small quay. Full of wonder, the man almost fell out of the boat. In front of him was a paved way to a blue and white painted bungalow. After she moored the boat with a perfect manila rope and they’ve gone into the house she says: “It’s not very big, but I call it my home. Take a seat… a drink?” - “No thank you, I cannot see another coconut juice!” - “This isn’t coconut juice. I have a small distillery. What do you think of a Piña Colada?”
They made themselves comfortable in her sofa and told their respective stories. Then she said: “I’m going to change into something more comfortable. Would you like to shave and take a bath? Upstairs in the bathroom is a razor.” The man found a razor made out of two sharpened seashells with a bone handle. “This woman is great, let’s see what happens next” he thinks.
As he came back into the parlor he found her clothed in a couple of vine twines, she was sweet with orchids. She asked him to sit next to her. “Tell me”, she says alluringly, while she moved closer to him, “we’ve been alone for a long time on this island. I think there is something you’d like to do very much now… Something you missed during all these months… You know…” She looks deep into his eyes.
He couldn’t believe what he heard. He swallowed. “Do you mean… is it possible… can I really… check my e-mails from here?

Why do programmers mix Halloween and Chrismas?

Because DEZ 25 = OCT 31